Welcome Little Miss. . .

 

 

 

Addison Fay
Born on 09.16.09 at 8:06AM
Weighing 7lbs 3oz and measuring 18-1/2 inches long!

Jackie - YOU WIN!

 

Checked in for induction on 09.15.09. . .

 

We went through 4 shifts - and ended up with the best nurse (who originally checked us in, and the most wonderful Midwife! The next morning I was finally 8 cm dilated and started pushing around 7:45AM. . .was then told to hold on - Doctor wasn't ready! Notice epidural MAGIC button in hand. (Unfortunately it didn't work evenly and only my left side was really numb.) Addison came out super quick, and then we got to bond skin to skin for an hour before they even measured her. That was precious time spend. Too bad my placenta was stuck and while we were bonding I had not one, but two doctors trying to manually pull it out. I'll spare you the gore details.

 

Big Brother meets littlest miss. . .and instantly falls in love.

 

Look who's in bed! Now, if only hospitals had wireless connection and computers in the room. . .yes, I would have blogged during the wee hours. Here's Daddy and Addison at almost 24 hours old. And me with my newest daughter at just over 24 hours old. Forgive my appearance. . .I swear as soon as I got home today I showered!

 

Gracyn meets her baby sister! WOW, I am the proud Mama of 3 beautiful sweet peas!

 

Disclaimer: I am holding a finally sleeping baby balancing her head on forearm and her bottom the table in my arms as I type. I'm working off of minimal sleep, and have no clue if anything I wrote above makes sense, but I JUST HAD to blog! DH even took pictures with you bloggers in mind. Thank you for all of your friendship, prayers, and support. I have no idea when I'll actually catch up or post again. . .it took several attempts to just get this one done! HUGS

The day is here. . .

No spontaneous arrival from little Miss so we'll be heading in shortly to be induced. It's surreal. It's a mix between the arrivals of my first and second. As I got ready this morning, it reminded me of the morning I got ready to meet Gracyn. Although it's like Peyton's arrival too in that while we're walking in to the hospital, who knows how long the birthing process will take. Peyton prayed for my recovery last night, and told me to ask the doctor if I could just stay ONE night because I need to get home to my "other baby" - as he pointed to his forehead.

As I type, DH is laughing at me for "blogging" before I leave for the hospital. Then I remind him that this is my journal, and if I don't document what I'm feeling right now, I'll never get it back. His response, "True." I'm surprisingly calm and comfortable. Praise God! More than anything I'm excited to see the face of little Miss. She seems like an easier baby from within the womb, than Peyton. It's been so long since we've had a teeny tiny peanut in the house, so I hope my newborn care taking skills kick in naturally! I remember being a little scared (although I would have never admitted it then) bringing Peyton home. Not to say that I wasn't a little out my element taking Gracyn back to the hotel either!!

I'm praying for a comfortable and safe delivery! Praying Peyton and Gracyn behave for Gong Gong, and that they are free of any anxiety or worry! Peyton's been praying his sister grows "straight" - (From the book, God Gave Us You, the Mama prays that her baby's bones grow straight.) Get ready my two sweet peas, baby is coming home soon. . .

To My Littlest Miss,
I have enjoyed feeling you move about within me. (Minus those periodic painful jabs!) I am so blessed to have been entrusted to become your Mama, and I can't wait to see what you look like. I have an image in my mind, and in just a short while, we'll see how good my instincts are! We have yet to decide on your first name. We want to see what you look like before we make that very important decision. You have a very excited big brother and big sister waiting for you! Big brother is ready to help with diapers, wipes, and feeding. Big sister just adores babies and will be running to you every second you make a peep. I love you my littlest sweet pea and I can't wait to hold you in my arms!!

Counting down the days. . .

Peyton didn't want to nap yesterday, so I let him play with my camera, and we took some fun pictures together! Four more sleepless nights to go, unless of course, she makes a surprise appearance! Waiting on His plan. . .

 

One Year Ago. . .Part 3

While in Taiwan, seeing Gracyn's bond to my dad, the "Guy", I had prepared Darryl to be the one she'd latch on to. We were in for another surprise. Once we arrived home, and she saw me love on Peyton, she decided I was HER mom. Perhaps she thought we were going to live in that hotel room as a family unit. She may have been confused by our age difference. After all, her foster parents appeared to be closer to my dad's age than my own. To this day, Darryl still thinks Gracyn sees him as her big brother.

We did everything possible to make her comfortable. We spent countless nights sleeping on the family room floor together, just as she did with her Foster Family. I'd wake to give her bottles, I'd hold and stroke her hands and feet. She needed constant sensory input. She loved bath time, enjoyed eating cantaloupe and honeydew her first days home, and like Peyton couldn't get enough of playing outdoors. She hated the car and her car seat. We found out her rash was scabies. I had to wash EVERYTHING, and we were all treated with cream. We finally some some smiles and slight giggles coming out of her, but she was still heavy with grief.

She rejected Daddy, and it took us months of working on the Daddy-Daughter bond. We saw a family therapist, we'd try every technique we'd read about. . .and ultimately until I stopped doing the things she needed, and we more or less forced Daddy on Gracyn, did she begin to accept her Daddy. And it was worth it. However, to this day, we are still working on her attachment with Daddy.

Our sleeping arrangements changed multiple times, in an effort to find something that worked. We had the nights we slept on the floor as a family, then it was her crib next to our bed, then it was her in our bed, then it was Daddy and Gracyn in Gracyn's room on separate beds. . .after which when we felt they had successfully bonded or at least grown closer, she came back to our room. Then she started putting herself to sleep on the floor on her blanket. She couldn't stay in the crib any longer (she figured out how to climb out) and she despised the toddler bed. So, we let her stay on her blanket on the floor next to our bed. And then almost a year later, she and Peyton sleep in Petyon's room. At first, Peyton in a tented mattress on the floor and Gracyn on her favorite quilt on the floor beside him. So much for coordinated bedding, and room design. Gracyn's cherry blossom bedding is purely for looks, and Peyton's tent, well, let's just say it was a hand-me-down, and was pink and purple. Enough said. Today, they're still successfully sharing Peyton's room on their new bunk bed arrangement and are doing so well!! Mommy and Daddy are happy to have some normalcy to the bedtime routine. . .Just in time for sweet pea #3 to take over!

Lesson to be learned. . .never have expectations. Life is full of surprises. We thought we would bring home Morgan from China and then a daughter from Taiwan. We wondered at times if we'd possibly be raising virtual twins. We thought we'd bring home a baby from Taiwan, and we brought home a toddler. We thought it would take 5-7 months to bring Gracyn home, and we waited 10 months from our referral. We thought Gracyn would take to Daddy, and instead is Mommy's girl. You just never know what life will bring. No matter where you are in your journey in growing your family, He has a plan, and the surprises are blessings. Some are blessings in disguise, but the joy will be revealed.

My two "Big Kids" now. . .my blessings. . .my sweetpeas, my joy.

 

 

 

One Year Ago. . .Part 2

 

In the room, she watched my every move. She stayed close as I would dry my hair, or apply my makeup. Outside of the room, it was like showing me any kind of love or affection was betraying her family. So, outside of the room, I was the enemy. She'd point for me to go away. She'd pull my dad to take her anywhere that wasn't near me. It wasn't until Peyton kissed me via SKYPE that she decided she'd "kiss" too. And all of sudden she realized in some surreal way that she might actually like me and have to share me with someone else.

I blogged, I cried, I skyped, I prayed. My daughter was right there in front me yet I don't recall being able to celebrate with joy. I loved seeing her wear the clothes I had shopped ever so carefully for her, and packed in ziplock bags so they'd smell like home. I anticipated taking photo after photo, to realize when I came home, I had hardly taken any after picking her up. She hated the flash, she hated me. Perhaps it wasn't worth capturing on film?

There was the missing document at AIT, which nearly pushed me over the edge. But God knows best and that extra day in Taiwan was what we needed. The flight was actually pretty uneventful. Easy for me. I sat in bulkhead by myself, and watched movies. Only think I did was get the bottles ready. Dad sat behind me with two seats, although the two of them shared one. He couldn't move, barely ate, not sure really how he did it, but he did. As we were about to land I remember seeing a plane next to us and I was able to make out the words on it. . .way too close. Up we went at a fast speed to only delay our landing by another twenty or thirty minutes. If it weren't for that, I think we might have made it home with minimal tears. When we touched ground, I had never been more relieved in my life. This burden had been lifted. Sure there was the anticipated car ride home in a five-point harness, but I'd be in MY minivan, with MY husband, and MY son.

Seeing Darryl and Peyton at the airport was incredible. My heart and eyes swelled at the sight of familiar faces and I could feel the love. The only two things on the face of the earth that I needed more than anything, my husband and my first born. My life line, my comfort, my home. Peyton was so excited to meet his sister, and surprisingly I think she recognized them from Skyping with them. We made it to the car, Dad rode with Gracyn in the back, I couldn't get enough of my husband and my son, and we stopped for a bite to eat, at none other than McDonald's. I had figured out in Taiwan that she was a fan of french fries with ketchup and SODA. . .

 

We interrupt this blogcast. . .

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant, and only 1 cm dilated, but due to the gestational diabetes, I am officially on the schedule to be induced on 9/15. Unless of course baby doesn't pass her antepartum test (checking her size and amniotic fluids), in which case I could be induced earlier. Or there's always His plan which could reveal itself at any given moment.

So, that gives me a maximum of 12 days, right? And on that checklist of mine are the following to be completed before baby arrives:

Antepartum Appointment (hopefully baby passes)
Assessment by Speech Therapist at School District
Assessment by Physical Therapist at School District
IEP meeting with Speech, Physical, Occupational, and Director
Lab work for Gracyn (DNA Test)
MRI and CT Scan for Gracyn (more to come on this one)
Finish Gracyn's "Gotcha Day" Posts
Finish Digi-Scrapping Gracyn's first year home
Sterilize bottles (just in case) and pacifiers
Pack a bag for the hospital
Get a pedicure

Anything I'm forgetting???

Oh, I know. . .decide on a name for the baby!! That won't be revealed until she's born, but I will say one of our top three choices was submitted by a reader. Here were the submissions:

Eden (submitted by Judy)
Grace (submitted by Marina)
Ava (submitted by Marina and Sarah)
Lily, Natalie (submitted by Marina)
Eva, Audrey, Emma, Violet (submitted by Sarah)
Jamyson, Addison, Camryn, Emerson (submitted by Jackie)
Hayden, Carli, Alina (submitted by Lisa)
Paxton, Genevieve, Madden, Cecily, Camden, Piper, Linley, Braylon, Amalie, Brogan, Maisy (submitted by Jill)
Kayden, Charlotte (submitted by Sara)

Any other name suggestions out there? Any reminders or tips you have for me?

One Year Ago. . .Part 1

One year ago I touched my baby girl for the very first time. That day I wrote a post, affectionately entitled, "Gotcha Day," and you can click HERE to read all about that very emotional day.

I've enjoyed reading the posts of friends, reflecting on their respective Forever Family Days, Gotcha Days, or whatever you want to refer to it as, while all celebrate and remember what it was like just one year ago. I was candid in my post a year ago, and I'm going to continue with that theme.

One year ago, I met Gracyn for the very first time. I recall vividly, walking by the room she was waiting with her foster family in. We went into the infamous blue couch room and waited. And waited. . .and waited what seemed like an eternity. I remember her Foster Brother at the screen door carrying her in, face forward. She had a white lace dress on, with bows in her hair. He put her down, and I just waited patiently. I didn't want to scare her. I wonder now what the family was thinking. Was I supposed to run up and give her a great big hug with tears streaming down my face? That's certainly how I always envisioned my "Gothca Day" because you know, I've watched video after video after video while waiting, and I did have a vision of what this day would be like. You know how you dream, and you wait, and you wait for the day to come?

In reality, it was nothing like I had imagined. I stared at my daughter, I repeat my daughter, whom I did not know. Who's face I may not have recognized on the street, as her pictures were not all that clear, and were from a much younger age. My daughter who wanted nothing to do with me, who smelled nothing like me, who certainly didn't love me. Did I cry that day? Sure. And I cried every day after that the whole time in Taiwan. Tears of Joy? Was I happy? Absolutely. But also tears of sadness for Gracyn. I loved finally having my daughter with me, but let's face it, I was a complete and total stranger to her. Was I worried? You bet. I knew we had a long road ahead of us. . .and to be realistic, I knew just getting through the few days in Taiwan were going to be a struggle.

When I finally got to hold my daughter in my arms by telling her I'd take her outside to find her "Mama" she felt so tiny in my arms. She didn't feel like my daughter at that moment. We looked in on babies sleeping down the hall very briefly. She held my hand and walked with me. My dad took photos, and I watched every move her foster family made for fear they'd mysteriously disappear.

So, was our "Gotcha Day" one I can describe as full of joy? Should it be a day of celebration? A day full of happiness? For our family, unfortunately I think not. It was a day of sorrow for Gracyn. I begged her foster family to come back to say "goodbye" - I thank God that they did. Did she know she was saying her last "goodbye"? That the clothes her foster mom just changed her into would be the last time she cared for her? Certainly not. Gracyn began grieving the minute we stepped foot into the cab. This was our "Gotcha Day".

Gracyn cried the entire cab ride to the station. She cried the whole ride back to Taipei. We were kicked out of the cabin for disturbing other passengers. She fell asleep for a few minutes, and then abruptly awoke and cried all the way to the hotel. She cried in the elevator, and then cried every time we went down or up the elevator. The only time she didn't cry was in the middle of the night when I'd give her a bottle and change her diaper. Here we were, Mother and daughter, complete strangers, sleeping on the floor of a hotel room together. . .