Yesterday, on Adoption Day, for the very first time, I found myself confronted with one of
those comments. . .We were celebrating Addi's Red Egg and Ginger Party when a guest leaned in, smelling like smoke mind you to say something like, "Guess you won't have to go back to China for another one of those. . ." I was an ear shot away from another adoptive family, and all I could say was, "We'll see." That's all my fiesty self could come up with, "We'll see?" Shame on me. The statement wasn't as cruel as others I've read or heard about, but it still made my blood boil. Here's what I should have said. . ."What do you mean by that exactly? We didn't adopt our daughter because we couldn't bear another biological child. And yes, I have my second daughter in my arms breathing in your second hand smoke right now, and yes she happened to come to me biologically, but guess what, she's the last child that will come to me biologically, and if it's in God's plan for our family our fourth will be one of
those from China. And for the record, my daughter is from Taiwan. She will always be my first daughter and she has a heart of gold."
And while I'm on my soap box, let me just add that we recently received a confiramtion from our insurance company adding coverage for Addi. Do you know how irritated I was to see the following:
Addison - Daughter
Peyton - Son
Gracyn -
A/Daughter
What the
hell heck?? I suppose that "A" must stand for adorable, awesome or affectionate. I think I may write a letter of concern on this one.
What would you do?Here's some photos of Gracyn from Taiwan. I love that she has a picture with a little friend just days before I met her in Taiwan.
Anyone recognize the other little girl? Her face seems so familiar to me. . .I believe this was taken on the way to an Aboriginal festival of sorts in the Ping Tung area.
I always thought Gracyn had a thing for chicken on the bone!! This explains it!
13 comments:
I'm always so worried I'll say something offensive but whew! I don't smoke!!!! Sorry but I find it pretty funny because I can just see your face as you're responding. By the way, I luv luv luv my little one from China, too. Oooops, I mean Taiwan. :-)
Lovely lovely party and lovely lovely children.
What the h... is right!! Yep, it must stand for adorable. We had issues getting J onto our insurance when he came home, I'll have to tell you about it sometime.
Okay, I'm loving these pictures of Gracyn!! Jake LOVES eating chicken off of a bone, this pic confirms to me that J was probably eating all the same things as G.
What a lovely comment that women sprung on you! That would have made my blood boil too. I think I would have said the same thing you did. And then wished I said more later. I'm just waiting for the day...
It was a wonderful party to celebrate your little one, she is SO gorgeous!! Sorry T couldn't make it, I remembered on Thur that he was out of town working this weekend. I'm counting the hours until he gets home, the kids are killing me :)
I have a handful of little responses in my pocket for adoption related stuff like this.
-What a horrible thing to say.
-That's a very private question. I'm surprised that you were comfortable asking that.
My most common rude adoption related comment I deal with is "Now that you've adopted, you're sure to get pregnant to have your own." That makes my blood boil.
I dread moments like those. I have all these zingy one-liners floating around in my head in anticipation to ignorant comments about adoption. However, none of them ever find their way out. Yet I think sometimes the subdued response like the one you took is the most gracious.
Re. the insurance: I wonder if the company designated Gracyn as adopted b/c bio. kids come with all different insurance liabilities by viture of being physically born to the insured parent. That being said, they should then put a "B" next to the bio. kids.
Loved the pictures of Gracyn, esp. the one w/the flowers on her head.
Those types of comments always leave me wondering and just ALWAYS seem to come up when I'm least prepared for them! How sad that some folks still just don't get it.....
As to the insurance....I would lobby to have that changed. I know your hands are so full(of love and joy!) right now so maybe its something a close family member can do in your place. Frankly that one shocks me more than the thoughtless comment.....I'm going to be thinking on that one for some time to come & I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. :(
The photos are lovely...what a gift and treasure to share with her now and always.
Hugs!
I don't think we can ever be fully prepared for these comments. I mean, seriously, if we were expecting them all the time, we'd go crazy-- and why would you have been expecting someone that YOU invited to YOUR party to have some inane comment?? People can be so infuriating. So sorry about that.
I love these pictures!! Baby Girlfriend is just a doll. I'm so jealous of these pics :)
Be blessed,
Courtney
A is for AWESOME! Got to love those insurance companies...
I love those little photos of Gracyn! I can't wait for the day that we receive some precious photos of our little one!
Sorry you had to deal with the smoky commenter :( no fun :( some people just don't get it :( very sad to me! I am like that, AFTER the fact I have a thousand things I WISH I had said! LOVIN the pics of Miss Gracyn! :) The ohter little girl does look familiar but I don't know why!
hugs
Tami
PRAYING JEREMIAH HOME QUICKLY
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com
These photos of Gracyn are precious... How awesome that you were able to get these! Those eyes...So beautiful...
Happy to hear that Miss Addie's party went well, with the exception the smokey guest who inserted her foot down her throat. What a bummer! I hope that she doesn't choke on it...
Sounds like you handled it with much grace and dignity. Trust me, you'll get that chance to confront this person at a later time if you choose to do so. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when and if you ever do. LOL!
It's beyond me why people have such a hard time understanding that they are talking about OUR children, when they carelessly throw out their thoughtless comments and/or questions. Especially in familiar situations, as friends and/or family are sometimes the ones who are at fault...Sorry it had to happen at Addie's celebration!
I would love to know what kind of insurance you have. Hearing this story made me want to write a letter and I would be more than happy to throw one together, perhaps with a lot of signatures of those who would like to see this changed as soon as possible. Just let me know!
People just don't get it. I hate when I think of all the things I could have said after the fact. But in the end, they probably wouldn't have got it even if you had said something witty. Your daughter is beautiful.
Happy Thanksgiving.
lisa
I'd call the insurance company and ask them to remove that "A" because it's totally irrelevant. There's no reason at all for them to distinguish between our bio and adopted kids that way. The medical coverage is identical.
Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!
Over the years I have learned that the best way to handle obnoxious comments is to respond gracefully. If we become offended, it can send a message to our children that it's somehow "wrong" to be adopted. If we get all worked up, they will model getting all worked up about being adopted.
You handled it fine. The woman was an idiot :)
The kids are so beautiful! Gracyn has the most beautiful eyes and I can't believe how much your baby has grown! Love the pics of them in the pans next to the turkey. Too funny!
Teresa
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