2 months and growing. . .

I can't believe it's only been 2 months since I held her in my arms for the very first time, and a very short period of time. We took our first official family pictures today (11/1), and I can't wait to see them! Gracyn has grown so much since arriving home. . .and I don't mean she got taller or gained weight. She has changed, she has adjusted for the most part, and she has grown into our family. When I was waiting for Gracyn I appreciated the Moms who had the courage to post about the good and the bad, the amazingly wonderful moments and the ones that break your heart. With that said, I will try to do the same. . .

I often wondered how long it would take for Gracyn to "attach" to me. While in Taiwan, I was convinced it would take longer than the wait to bring her home. She wanted nothing to do with me, in fact I think she despised me. She would grieve, she would cry, she would kick, she would scream, she was pulling at her hair, scratching her skin until she bled, including her ears, and frankly, she was not my daughter, and didn't want to be. After coming home, I realized she was starting to attach to me. Within the first week I already noticed that she gravitated to Mommy. Was I comfortable with her staying close without me holding on? No, I thought she would wander off in search of something. . .anything to take her home to Taiwan. We often joked when she'd play "telephone" that she was calling Taiwan. After a month, while I felt she was attached, it wasn't until the start of the second month that I understood what I thought was her attaching to me, was her tolerating me. . .the lesser of two evils. When she began to put her head down on my shoulder, and I could feel that bond, that closeness that only a Mother and child and can share, I realized we were falling in love.

So today, as we've reached our two month anniversary since meeting on another, I can say, we're in love now. We went out to dinner for the first time without the kids today to celebrate my sister-in-law's 40th. A special dinner at a FABULOUS place, that well, isn't kid-friendly. Kids stayed home with Gong-Gong and I thought she'd cry for a few minutes like she does at daycare, and then realize I'd come home. Wrong. Sadly mistaken. She cried for nearly 2 hours straight. Stared out the back door looking for me, sat in the dark in the hallway to the garage waiting. My dad said that she found a picture of me (with Daddy, holding her referral picture) which was only within reach because we moved it down for the photo shoot today. She held onto it, laid on her back, and pointed to me. Was it hard to hear the report from Gong-Gong? Sure, but it was a different kind of "hard" - yes, I felt bad that she was miserable while we dined. However, it felt great to know that I was the person she was missing and wanting to comfort her. In Taiwan, Gracyn always wanted to be outside, and cried when she'd see the window hid behind the curtains, in search of her Foster Family. It seems she's grown attached to me now and that she has transferred her attachment from her first mother-figure to me.

I didn't get to finish this post last night because Gracyn woke up. . .update to the above is she had a terrible night sleeping. It seems that every time she has a really tough time, she has a set back. Today, however, while a little clingy, took a GREAT nap, and tonight seems to be sleeping like a baby! I can't wait to see how Gracyn continues to grow. On the "physical appearance" side of things, she's gained a few pounds, which Gong-Gong has affectionately named her "American belly" - but don't take that literally because at the age of 2, she's still very much in size 3 diapers with room to grow. Her hair has grown longer, her bangs are now pretty even and much thinner, her skin is much healthier and she smells like us. . .is that a weird thing to say? Even after bathing with Peyton, and washing her clothes with our laundry, she still didn't smell like us at first. . .now, she does.

I am looking forward to watching Gracyn continue to grow. Having her home brings all the joy I had hoped it would. Easy? No, not at all. The wait was difficult, the adjustment was trying, but seeing her gaze into my eyes, watching her fall asleep in seconds if I rest my hand on her cheek, to soothe her by touching her palms, and seeing how she has grown to rest her head upon my shoulder, and how her tiny body has grown perfectly into my arms, that is pure joy. Two months and growing more into our family day by day - growing in grace, with faith, hope and love.

Thank you to all of you who follwed our journey to bring her home, and follow her life here with us. Your support, your comments, your prayers mean more than you know! It took me 4 attempts to finish this post, and I'm starting to find myself short on time to keep up with Yahoo Groups, your blogs, and my own. Know that if I seem to be "missing", we're working on that "growing" thing, and think of you often. . .