So, it's clear now that Gracyn hits my dad (swats, not hitting violently) just as much as she hits me. When she needs a bottle and a nap, it's me that does it, and after a little battle, she lets me in - I stare into her eyes, and sing to her, and she periodically will have an episode, and scream/cry, and hold her tight, and she goes back to the bottle and then to sleep. If she stirs, and wakes, I can comfort her - she knows it's me. She looks at me, with fear, screams bloody murder, and then gives in. . .
I don't get it. . .It's like she trusts me, but she's just really, really angry, or really darn spoiled? Anyone out there have kids that screamed and cried the whole way home? I've noticed in Taiwan there's little tolerance for such disruption. After all, we got kicked out of the train cabin, right? Can they kick me off the plane? I'm worried about her - when she gets really upset, she just can't break it, and she throws herself backwards so hard, that I'm afraid she'll hurt herself. I try to hold onto her tightly, but it doesn't always work. If you're reading this and you know anyone who has a challenging journey coming home, please ask them for advice for me!
Gracyn is sleeping now - she's not usually a napper, but she didn't sleep much last night. She needed a break, and quite frankly the peace is doing me some good too.
Thanks in advance for the support and advice. Please remember she's a 2 year old, who isn't on much solid foods. . .just drinks milk and hasn't had much of that either. She's wetting her diaper so I'm not concerned about hydration. She's drinking enough - but she eats less than a 1 year old.
10 comments:
Awww Hugs Tiff! I have no clue what to tell you hon other than I am praying hard! That is one of my fears is Noah would scream like that on the plane. I honestly do not know. PRAYERFULLY she will have adjusted better by Thursday. I love ya girl and I am praying constantly.
hugs
Tami
Noah's Mommy
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com
hi there friend!
my heart is with you- please know that you are not alone in this journey and ALL your feelings are normal and have been shared by many of us.
i don't have any great answers but here are my thoughts-- i think your gut is right she is mad, sad, scared, maybe spoiled and a very confused little girl. it helped me to remember with my girls that everything that they ever knew and loved was taken from them - it helped when they were screaming or hitting/biting me to remember they were expressing their deep grief and i could not make it OK all i could do was be there and say "i understand-- its so hard and not OK right now" i would say it over and over to them- when i did not have to make it OK it was easier on me and everyone.
that goes for everyone else too- on the streets on the plane or taxis- i had let go and not worry too much about what they thought. it was my experience that once i got to the airplane people were more understanding - they have BTDT. with MiKayla we used Benadryl (i know it is controversial and you know to try it out before you get on the plane) but it worked for us. she slept most of the time. with Marissa it had little or no effect and we spent lots of time walking the asile. it is tought because she has had so little time to grieve adjust to you before you head home.
God is holding her and you, as best as you can trust that- He is the one making it OK for you all.
we love you!
Babs and Bry
Oh sweetie, I'm not a BTDT mom but I am one who is here thinking of you every step of the way. I'm sorry it's so difficult right now. I just know in my heart that soon we'll be talking about the rough start and how much it's changed for the better. But for now, know we're all here for you.
Hugs,
-J
Tif, hang in there hon! You already know my thoughts on this, but just wanted to say we are praying for you and love you! This too is in God's hands and he never gives us more than we can handle! The Benedryl idea is a good one too. We did that too! Just roll with it hon!
Marina here - I'm on my dh computer. Hang in there. I have to disagree with the "spoiled" idea. She is going through a major transition and you need to force her to bond with you! Be strong for her sake. Don't take what feels like rejection personally. You are her mommy and always will be and she needs you. You are on the other side of the world away from everything you know too - and she is being taken away from everything she knew. This is the hardest part - it will get easier. It's so great that she is letting you in and making that eye contact. She will bond with you give it time. Lora had a hard time at first too and then one day after a week Allie gave in and was much happier. It will happen for you too. We are all praying for you. Congratulations - she is really beautiful!!!
Tiffanie just try not to worry about the airplane, you will just have to do it when it comes. You are a mom and you will figure it with the help of your Dad, and any flight attendant that offers help. Just make sure your Dad gets an extra dose of rest before the plane. Gracyn is mad, and she has every right to be angry, she has been ripped from everything she ever knew and can't tell you how mad she is with words. Deal with the hitting when you get home. Sending you strength and patience.
Kate
Tiffanie just try not to worry about the airplane, you will just have to do it when it comes. You are a mom and you will figure it with the help of your Dad, and any flight attendant that offers help. Just make sure your Dad gets an extra dose of rest before the plane. Gracyn is mad, and she has every right to be angry, she has been ripped from everything she ever knew and can't tell you how mad she is with words. Deal with the hitting when you get home. Sending you strength and patience.
Kate
Hi Tiff,
Wow it sounds really hard, I'm saying prayers for you. Kimi was very very similar cried a lot in the cab, hotel, plane. She fell asleep on her own watching her video sitting up every night in taiwan. She would only scowl at DH at first and cry. She ate similarly don't expect an appetite right now. You are doing great. Try to take her outside the hotel room, that seemed to help relieve stress. We let Kimi run wild in the halls to get some steam off. I tried to make things as fun as possible. THIS ALL WILL PASS I PROMISE! I was so scared of the flight, Kimi cried and clung to me we made it home AND YOU WILL TOO. Kimi cried to leave the hotel room would pull me to the door to leave it was sad. Do what ever you can to sooth her right now you are both learning a new way of soothing and it takes time, continue to spoil her. I don't know what to do about the hitting etc....I pretended to cry as that is what I felt like doing and Kimi showed me her bottle so I figured out how she liked to be soothed her.
I would not let her actions deter you with bonding, hold her get her in a carrier asap with you. This is important you be the only one to give her food especially sweets or what she likes don't let anyone else give her food just yet. It's a basic need that she needs to learn you are satisfying this. Respond to her needs immediately especially with foods. We had Ken do this to help their bonding. Get her in a carrier with you she can't cry forever. She may feel she is betraying her Fmother and she was probably closest to her. they said this about Kimi with the Ffather.
Lots of Love..I'll be here when you get home!
Megan
Tiffanie - I was very worried about the plane ride home also - I notice that I did not blog about that when I went back today to read what I had written. Katie was crying and distraught in the waiting area for the plane and I thought all the passengers were looking at us like we were kidnappers because it was obvious she did not want to be with us; and I felt like a kidnapper and wondered if we were doing the right thing...but we did give her a little Benadryl and she slept the entire 11 hours home - from fear and exhaustion - which was scary in its own way because I was always concerned she might not wake up. So sorry no advice - you just have to do it and I know how you feel about wanting to get home - if we could have left any earlier we would have - we basically got her visa and went to the airport - we could not WAIT to get home. Gracyn is so cute! Congratulations! Susan H.
Oh, Tiff... my heart really goes out to you. You're a strong woman powered by a strong God and WILL make it through this.
We had a rough flight home from SFO to PHL and for those 6 hours, it helped to have a carrier to walk William up and down the aisles. It sounds gross, but don't forget the bathroom can make a good getaway from the rest of the passengers. You can flip down the changing table and let her sit on it. The noise of the jets in that area will muffle much of the noise.
If you have or can buy a portable DVD player (make sure it's compatible w/Asian DVDs) and get some DVDs in Chinese (try Carrefour or the Eslite bookstore in Taipei), that may give her some distraction and give you a much-needed break.
Finally, don't be afraid of going with Benadryl. I doubt anyone will think poorly of you at all for going that route. And if they do, they probably don't have kids!
You and Gracyn remain in my prayers.
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